I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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