3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize