You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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