Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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