And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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