her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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