idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
