the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
