If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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