I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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