Need sex. Gaining weight.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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