just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
