No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
