Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
