I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
