I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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