Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
