you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
