she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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