I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize