my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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