i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
