if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
