Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
