So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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