fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
