I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
