My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
