fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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