i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
