can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
