i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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