Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
