he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
