we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
handjob tips. give me some.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
