Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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