i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
