Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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