i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The air was thick with penises
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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