the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
