you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
