The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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