I can text with my tongue
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
worst night to have a conscience
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
