1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize