the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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