dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize