Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just invented taco cereal.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
