Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
