i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
barbara walters just said penis...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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