JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize