there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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