i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize