The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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