Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
