Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
