Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
