Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
