I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
