Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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