am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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