theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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