I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
