did you get engaged???
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
