Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize