It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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