She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
