I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
